the same photos now make me go berserk with grief

since the 28 th of march , (or was it the latter half of the 27 th march , maybe the beginnings of my vulnerability )

i am v v upset

my heart is full of sorrow grief fear panic

i am in a state of shock i think

the same photos now make me go berserk with grief 

the same photos

why

earlier too they would affect me , but now so intensely

continuously

non stop

i feel i am possessed

my heart will crack open and fall out of my chest i feel 

i can cry now too

i am ever ready

full to the brim

i am conscious of the fact that there are people around

or else i would cry 

Bombay hospital memories cast their shadow on me all the time , persistently 

then her " alive memories "

her memories have suddenly become alive

as if she was here now , just now and suddenly gone 

it feels that i have just experienced those moments of being with her

and now !!!

the heart breaks 

now what

i cant see any thing but a feeling of  being lost and abandoned

have i lost my mother or my younger sister

dont know

photos of me and richa sitting next to each other

i experience them 

i literally experience them

these photos suddenly have life

my memoires were dormant !

now alive !

or maybe i was stoic now i have become vulnerable